Lost and Found: EriSol
by DeadOfWinter
Summary: Eridan wishes that he could forget the fact that he killed his friends, but there's no chance of that. With Kanaya and Feferi dead and Sollux blinded, he maintains his image as the old condescending prince just to keep himself together. But one day this image slips, and he finds help from someone he thought would never forgive him. Rated T for language,


_I know that it's my fault. They don't think I care, the rest of them, they don't think I feel any remorse. But I do, and I am so, so sorry._

_ What I did was completely unjustifiable. It doesn't matter that I had my reasons, and it doesn't matter that I couldn't think straight. I might have been furious and heartbroken, but I never should have even considered killing them all. And I think I knew from the moment I agreed to Sollux's duel that things would get out of hand. But I just didn't care! I felt- and still feel, just a little- that they deserved what was coming. What kind of monster does that make me?_

_ The worst part is, I know I'm still not devoid of the feelings that led me to kill Feferi and Kanaya. I'm still mad inside, still furious at them all, and I can't imagine that will ever go away. It's too much a part of who I am. I will always be like that and I hate myself for it. And that's what I show the others, that's the aspect of myself I push forward to hide what I'm really thinking. Let them despise me, I deserve it. They can do whatever they want to me. I'll just act the part of the callous prince like I always do. I'll keep going, for now. But one of these days, maybe I'll take revenge on myself. I mean, it's not like I've got much to live for. Any weak friendship I had before is gone, and even if I showed them that I wanted to repent I'd still be pushed away. Even Aradia doesn't want to talk to me. Sollux- god, I don't even want to think about Sollux._

* * *

Another day blind, another day waiting. He's getting sick of it. There's not much for him to do around here, at least not anything worthwhile, although Aradia is trying to help him memorize the halls so he can find his own way around. Sollux spends most of his time in his room, though, just thinking about… whatever. He thinks about how he misses Feferi like a physical ache, like she'd yanked a chunk of his heart out when she died. He thinks about how he feels calmer than his previous bipolar self, in a melancholy way, saddened to the point of just not caring so he can't be devastated again. Well, actually, it would be a lie to say that Sollux feels _completely _calm. All that contemplation helped nurture a deep-seated hatred against Feferi's killer, against Eridan, whom he knows is responsible for everything going wrong. It's Eridan's fault that Sollux is blind and useless, it's Eridan's fault that he can't sleep from the hole in his heart, it's Eridan's fault that they're not nearly ready for Jack Noir. Sollux hates him more than he thinks he's hated anybody.

And of course, that fucker doesn't even have enough of a soul to act sorry for his crimes. He just saunters around with that same self-righteous air (even without vision you can tell), and whenever Sollux hears him go by he has to try so very hard not to tackle him and beat him senseless despite any disadvantage.

So when Sollux catches the sound of Eridan's breathing as he goes past him on another walk around the complex, this time through some of the dingier and much less-traveled areas, his first instinct is to turn around and snarl an insult. Couldn't he even take a walk without meeting this asshole? But as he stops and the beat of his footsteps ceases, Sollux can tell that it isn't just the sound of normal inhales and exhales. It sounds like weak gasping. Despite this surprise he still lobs an aspersion towards the sound- "What's the matter, fishdick? Having trouble breathing the same air as us low-blooded land dwellers?" Despite the jab, there is still no reaction. Weird… Even the smallest insult usually provokes at least a sigh of irritation from Eridan. Sollux slowly begins to feel around in front of him before suddenly realizing that the noise is coming from below. "If this is a trick, I am going to fucking kill you," he says threateningly, but his heart isn't in it. As he crouches lower and lower with his hands out in front of him, Sollux's fingers collide with fabric. It feels like… that stupid scarf? He is hardly daring to breathe anymore, and his shaky hands move past an elbow and down an arm. He stops when the fabric becomes damp and warm. Holy shit. Eridan committed suicide?

Sollux doesn't know where the thumping in his ears is coming from.

The gasping is no longer audible. But he grabs the sea dweller's wrist and is surprised to find a pulse still beating under his slippery grip. How is he still alive? Sollux quickly finds the slits along Eridan's wrist and laughs, a sound of both relief and disgust.

The violet-blooded bastard missed.

* * *

Eridan is sure he must be dead by now. That awful sense of total weakness that came with the knife cut across his wrists is fading, replaced by a comforting sense of drowsiness. He can't feel the glasses usually on his face; he can't sense the weight of his cape or the warmth of his scarf. A white light shines behind his closed eyelids, and he is so sure of his postmortem state until a shadow falls across him and he opens his eyes.

The afterlife looks a lot like Sollux.

Eridan groans softly and shuts his eyes again. He curls up tighter on the floor and tries to ignore the fact that he's still alive. "Go the fuck away," he grumbles darkly. "Let me die, why don't you. It's what you want." He imagines sinking into the panels below him and never resurfacing.

He hears Sollux growl something unintelligible. "You aren't dying. You only nicked the vein, you know, and chewed up some skin to the side." Eridan pokes his head up ever so slightly until he can see the other troll. Sollux is sitting stiffly on a chair next to him, arms folded tightly and scowling.

"But I probably would have bled out, eventually. And you chose to save me."

Sollux's scowl twists into a full-blown snarl and he leaps up. "I didn't save you because I _like_ you! I saved you because that's what she would have wanted. And because I'm not a monster like you are."

The words jab little needles into Eridan's heart, but his expression never shows it. Instead, he looks around as much as he can from his limited vantage point. Judging by the makeshift recouprecoon, he's in Sollux's room.

That means he was dragged through dark hallways by someone whose love he'd destroyed, someone who was blind and had to rely solely on memory to get him here. His mind too clouded to think further, he sits up instead. The sense of vertigo lasts only a moment. He realizes that he's only wearing his shirt and pants, like he thought. The absence of his scarf makes him feel uneasy, for some reason- like he's been caught defenseless, exposed. Which isn't an unwarranted feeling, given the circumstances. But rather than dwell on it, Eridan looks up at his unexpected savior and experiences a strange twinge of emotion, of something he cannot quite identify. Anger? No. Pity? Not quite. It is most like… regret. He disliked Sollux by far the most out of the three trolls he'd attacked, and dislikes him still, unable to let go of the hatred and resentment that took root when Feferi's heart was stolen by someone other than him. And being the asshole he was, Eridan felt little more than slight guilt concerning the pain he had caused Sollux. But now, through all his anger, there was the tiniest amount of remorse.

He looks at straight at Sollux now, not reacting to the other's remark. "How long was I out?"

The blind troll slowly sits back down and crosses his arms even tighter than before. "About 3 hours. Your stuff is all bloodstained, in case you're wondering, and some of it's in the corner. A heartfelt "thank you" is order, I think."

Eridan stands up slowly, and is relieved to find that only a slight dizzying sensation results. "I have nothing to thank you for. I _wanted_ to die. That's usually why someone attempts suicide, dumbass."

Sollux stands up too, glaring at the sound of Eridan's voice. "I don't give a fuck as to what you _want. _I wouldn't be upset if you had died, not in the slightest. But you haven't answered for what you've done."

"What do you think I'm _trying _to do!? Why do you think I let you insult me all you wanted, why do you think I tried to get rid of myself so the world wouldn't have to suffer from me anymore?" He shoves Sollux against the wall, seething. "I'm a killer, don't you get it? A stone-cold killer all the way down. Everyone's better off without me." Eridan's hands grab Sollux's shoulders and his fingers dig in, like he is both holding on for dear life and trying to push his rescuer through the hard wall behind him. "I'm not supposed to live any longer."

Sollux is wincing at Eridan's grip, grimacing at the pain in his shoulders and head. But he still manages to look up at what must be his attacker's narrowed violet eyes, at those slivers of royal purple lowered down at him. He opens his mouth and whispers. "You killed all your angels."

Confusion echoes across Eridan's contorted expression. His fingers ease their pressure by the tiniest amount.

"You killed all your angels," Sollux says again in a quiet voice. "And now all you've got is me."

For a moment, Eridan doesn't know what to think anymore. His furious snarl goes slack, his eyes widen, he blinks owlishly in surprise and retreats a single step like his footing is unstable. But the indecision ends as quickly as it began and a connection is made. Eridan knows exactly what he wants to do next- he pulls Sollux close and kisses him.

* * *

Sollux hadn't realized before how physically strong Eridan is. The only weapons he'd seen him fight with were either his wand or his rifle, neither of which brings close quarters combat into play. But as the two of them press into each other, holding on like they couldn't ever dream of letting go, Sollux finds himself using all of his own might to kiss just as ferociously as Eridan. And then they are melting into one, they're fusing together, they don't think of anything but the touch of the other. Sollux no longer needs to see. In his heart he is screaming, from both love and rage, and now he understands that they're not so very different when it comes to the two of them. And with both emotions surging around inside of him his psionic power ignites, making the kiss truly electric, causing the residual white magic (there's no use calling it "science" anymore) inside Eridan to flare as well. They are not subject to gravity now. Hope and Doom are one and the same.

It is only when neither can survive it any longer that they return to earth again, falling and gasping and struggling for air. The residual blood on Eridan's face is wet with tears. The only thing the two of them can do is try to breathe, disbelieving that they could have been so ignorant this long. What they felt wasn't something as clear-cut as matespritship or kismesis. It was like both at once or neither at the same time, fluctuating and changing faster than imaginable. They shakily got to their feet again and heard the sounds of running, the noise made by the other trolls as they try to find the source of the small earthquake that shook the building's foundation.

Sollux cannot see the glance that Eridan gives him, but he knows it is there all the same. He turns forward and speaks a single word. "Ready?"

"Always."

They stand together as the door bursts open.


End file.
